Be Curious, Not Judgmental
Ted Lasso is one of my favorite TV shows of this decade. It’s a show that’s just full of joy and hopefulness, which was much needed when it initially released during the pandemic.
I remember first watching on a plane while I was going to visit a friend in San Francisco. Watching on a phone screen isn’t my ideal situation to view something, but the show was so good that it had me hooked.
Since then, I’ve probably watched it twice through at least. While living in Madison, I rewatched the first two seasons with friends. We made it a bit of a tradition to light the Ted Lasso candle before each watch party, which makes it an event on par with nothing short of the Olympics.
It’s a show that’s infinitely clip-able in the social media. There are so many moments that I come across when scrolling online. “Be a goldfish, Sam.” “Football is life!” Nearly anything Jamie Tart says.
My favorite moment, though, is probably the darts scene from Season 1.
The darts scene acts as this microcosm for the first season, reminding us that everything is not what it seems and that we shouldn’t jump to conclusions too quickly.
But Who Said It?
It’s a bit tricky to prove that someone never said something, but a quick Google shows that the general consensus is that Walt Whitman never coined the phrase, “be curious, not judgmental.”
It’s a reasonable misunderstanding. A lot of quotes from Leaves of Grass have a similar vibe.
“Resist much, obey little.”
“I am large, I contain multitudes.”
“Peace is always beautiful.”
The quote from Ted Lasso isn’t too far off from any one of these, yet it doesn’t appear to be written by Walt Whitman, a fact that might be meta-commentary on the scene itself.
Are we supposed to judge the quote for its source? Or should we be curious about the message?
It could be something much simpler too. Ted is just the kind of guy who loves a good quote and (like a normal person) sometimes falls for a misattribution.
Despite not actually belonging to Whitman, I think there’s much to take away from the quote and the scene.
Setting the Scene
The darts scene is doing a lot of interesting things.
The scene comes in the eighth episode of the first season and really kicks off the final story arc that will lead us to the finale. The scene plays with the characters’ interpretations of Ted as well as our own.
Ted vs. Rebecca vs. Rupert
In the scene, Rupert tries to take advantage of Ted. Initially, Rupert offers a wager of £10,000. Ted counters with another offer. If Rupert wins, he controls the lineup for the team’s final games; if Ted wins, Rupert stays far away.
“Be curious, not judgmental” is spoken directly to Rupert.
He’s the most obvious culprit of the judgmental mindset. He gets into this darts game with Ted assuming he plays darts like he coaches soccer (which at this point is mediocre at best).
Rupert can’t imagine a world where this Midwestern schmuck outplays him in a game of darts.
On the other hand, Ted reveals that he’s been playing darts for a long time as he rather easily scores the exact points he needs to win.
Rupert isn’t the only one who is guilty of this mindset, though. Rebecca is equally culpable. She hires Ted away from college football to coach Premier League soccer because she wants to tank her team. She judges Ted as a bad hire, someone who can’t possibly do a good job with the team.
Unlike Rupert, this scene is a bit of a turning point for Rebecca when she realizes she might actually like Ted. She’s opening herself up to curiosity. (This same episode ends with Rebecca about to come clean on the situation with Ted.)
Ted Vs. Us
So many characters in the show judge Ted for who he is and his background. I’d argue that the audience makes these judgements too
Things don’t go well for the team early on in the season. It’s unclear whether or not Ted’s wild optimism will actually work in the Premier League, and the coach clearly knows less than he should about soccer. There’s a scene where Ted attempts to learn the offsides rule.
We don’t know if Ted will succeed in this new endeavor. We’re not even sure what success really looks like considering the deck is stacked against Ted. We’re just as guilty as having this judgmental mindset about the situation as some of the characters.
Prior to this episode, the team starts to rack up some more wins, and the darts scene proves that maybe we don’t know everything we thought we did about Ted. He may be a goofball, but there’s also a realness to him that we’re only beginning to explore.
The scene serves as a reminder to the other characters as well as the audience that we shouldn’t jump to conclusions so quickly.
From the Screen to the Real World
This lesson applies well within the confines of the season’s story, but it’s incredibly applicable to real life as well. I’m someone who can be quick to jump to conclusions about things around me but also about the thoughts in my own head.
The External World
Maybe someone at work does something that makes our lives harder, and we assume they did it on purpose. “Be curious, not judgmental” is a reminder that we don’t know what’s going through the heads of those around us. We may perceive something one way, but to someone else, it could mean something different entirely.
I saw The Running Man (2025) this week, which demonstrates another example of this mindset. Ben Richards, the main character and a man from the slums, comes across an upper-middle class woman while he’s on the run. She initially judges him incorrectly for all the bad things she thinks he’s done. As she realizes how the network is manipulating his actions, she begins to understand he’s not as bad as she thought. The characters grow to like each other.
We can judge one another, but it might be more productive to be curious instead.
The Internal World
“Be curious, not judgmental” is also something that applies internally.
A lesson that comes up early in most meditation practices is the concept of non-judgmental awareness. We may think all these thoughts, but we don’t have to identify with them. The idea of non-judgmental awareness is to notice thoughts as they occur but not to judge them. We simply acknowledge them and let them go.
This approach to mindfulness is just like what Ted is telling Rupert.
I can be incredibly guilty of this judgmental thinking. I notice it comes up sometimes on weekends. Ironically, without the time constraints of a workday, I feel like I have too much time to manage. I think about how all my to-dos need to get done in order for it to be considered a productive day. This is a judgmental thought.
I find myself judging a Saturday in advance of its completion.
A curious approach would have me stop and pause. Why do I need to complete these things to consider the day a success? What would it look like if I didn’t check everything off my list?
When I pause to consider questions like this, I realize that things aren’t as dire as my brain makes them out to be. One thing I’ve done based on this thought pattern is write in my journal at the start of each day three things that would make that day a good day.
Living Like Ted
Ted Lasso is fantastic. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend you check it out. It’s one of those shows where you just can’t help but smile at certain moment. While the darts game is likely my favorite scene, there are so many good ones.
I love the darts scene because it’s a reminder for us to push back against our basic instincts.
It’s oftentimes too easy to react with judgement. Someone cuts us off in traffic, and we get angry, for example. Ted reminds us to move past that judgement and take a curious stance on life. Maybe the person in traffic was having a bad day. Maybe they’re rushing to the hospital because their partner is giving birth.
We don’t know the extent of everything that’s going on around ourselves. However, we might just feel a little better if we approach our day-to-day life like Ted, not with judgement but with curiosity.
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