How We See Ourselves
Identity is at the core of what we do and who we are. We spend so much of our lives thinking of it as a fixed thing. In this post, I discuss how we might take steps to change how we see ourselves for the better.
I understand when people are skeptical about self-help books. I’ve read a decent number of self-help books over the years that don’t really say much.
It’s rare to get a nugget of wisdom that is altogether new.
There is at least one self-help book I can think of that bucks this trend. I often return to it, thinking of the various lessons it holds.
That book is Atomic Habits by James Clear.
Much like Designing Your Life, a book I’ve wrote a good deal about, Atomic Habits is a book with a lot of actionable insights.
What is Identity?
There are many exercises presented throughout the book, but an important idea that Clear introduces early is the notion of identity.
Identity consists of the beliefs we hold about ourselves. Every day we take actions that stand as “votes” toward the type of person we think we are.
If you sit on the couch all day and scroll mindlessly, you are casting votes toward the identity that you are a lazy person or demotivated (if those are words you associate with the act of sitting and scrolling – obviously resting from time to time is much needed).
On the other hand, if you wake up early to work out or choose something healthy over a sugary dessert, you are casting votes toward your identity of being an athlete or a healthy eater.
The actions we consistently do, especially those to which we pay attention, count toward being the person we want to be.
A Former Smoker's Identity
There’s one interview that comes to mind that helped me solidify this idea.
I’m not a Theo Von or Tony Robbins fan, but I have come across this clip of the two talking online. In the interview, the pair discusses why Von no longer smokes. I’ll include a clip of the video below.
Please excuse the corny YouTube Shorts-ified version of this. This was the best clip I could find that highlights just this example from the interview.
Robbins asks Von if he wants a cigarette. Von simply says no. When trying to dig farther into why Von says no, Robbins asks him why he doesn’t want one. Von responds that he just doesn’t do that anymore.
Robbins takes this moment to highlight much of what Clear says. Being a non-smoker has become Von’s new identity. He doesn’t consider himself a smoker anymore, and each time he denies a cigarette, he casts a vote that supports this identity.
The Identities We Assign Ourselves
We tell ourselves so many stories about who we are. Thoughts are constantly filling our heads.
No wonder it’s so easy to latch onto the worst things we tell ourselves.
If I tell myself how I’m lazy and don’t do anything, I’m going to notice every time I score a point toward proving that identity.
That also means we can take steps to change our mindset and identity, though.
Counting Score
Take this blog for example. It’s not very popular, but I am taking the steps each week to publish a post on Sundays. I am doing what a writer does; I can count those actions toward an identity of being a writer.
Sure, I’m not a bestselling author or anything like that, but I am doing the things a writer does.
Do It Most of the Time
The other good news is that you don’t have to be superhuman. You don’t have to be perfect 100% of the time. You just have to do the actions toward the identity you want more often than not.
If you want to be a healthy eater, you just have to choose the healthy option 51% of the time. Healthy eaters still have treats. Athletes still have rest days or miss workouts every now and then. They just don’t do it most of the time.
We Are What We Repeatedly Do
The next time you judge yourself negatively, consider what actions you’re taking and how you might be counting those to your identity.
Maybe you give yourself some more credit when you go for that run despite being tired. Maybe you spend 5 minutes working on a creative outlet that you’ve always wanted to explore.
Show up and give yourself credit for doing so.
What is one identity you want to have for yourself, and what’s one step you can take toward living that reality?
Sunday Suggestion: Andor Season 2
I love Star Wars. I grew up with. I've seen all the movies. I love the characters.
That being said, what makes Andor so great is that it's a good show despite being based on Star Wars IP.
Tony Gilroy, the show's creator, had a lifelong obsession with historical rebellions, and this show is the product of all he studied. It's gritty and mature and handles Star Wars in a way I haven't quite seen done yet (there are no Jedi or lightsabers).
Every three episodes in season 2 is a story arc, and I just finished the first one. I've heard great things about the rest of the season and can't wait to watch more.
Bonus!
