The Importance of Hobbies

This week for Discount Tuesday, I went to see Bradley Cooper’s new movie, Is This Thing On? I never quite know what to expect with a Cooper-directed film. I didn’t see Maestro, but I did see A Star Is Born, which has a less than happy ending. A new film about divorce and stand-up comedy? I wasn’t quite sure how it would go.

The film is about a couple going through a separation. Will Arnett’s Alex Novak is technically the main character, but his wife Tess, played by Laura Dern, goes on a similar journey as him, hitting many of the same plot beats. They’re essentially equal in their roles as protagonists, but the film focuses more on Alex’s journey. 

The trailer certainly presents this film as a movie about stand-up comedy, and in some ways it is a love-letter to the art form. Alex discovers an open mic accidentally one night (although his first open mic is at the Comedy Cellar, which would be like learning how to hit a baseball off a pitch from Shohei Ohtani). He talks with other comedians about the craft and shares cigarettes with them outside the bar. It paints stand-up comedy, especially as a beginner, in a very romantic light.

But the movie isn’t about stand-up.

The movie is about figuring out what makes you happy and realizing that said happiness can’t come from other people.

Trying Something New

After the couple announces their separation, two important things happen. Alex decides to try out an open mic as a way to express his emotions around the failing marriage, and Tess decides to look for coaching opportunities. (We find out that Tess was an Olympic volleyball player earlier in her life.) They each do something to shake up the routines in which they found themselves.

Habits are often thought of as the little things we do each day. A habit might be waking up and starting the coffee machine without really having to think about it or going for a sweet treat in the afternoon because you’re just craving something. Habits are much larger too. For Alex and Tess, they had become stuck in the habit of their relationship. They had stagnated as people and quickly blamed each other for their unhappiness. Relationships can be habits as well. The couple’s separation acted as a catalyst, something to shake up the snow globes that were their lives. In the craziness of the shuffle, the old habits disappeared, making it easier for them to try new things. 

I can relate to this experience as well. Much like relationships, jobs can be those bigger habits in our lives. It can feel like a struggle to add something to your life while working because the “job” habit is so strong. If you’ve worked at a company for two years, you’ve done this routine nearly 700 times. If it only takes 60 days to start a habit, this one is surely hard-coded into your brain. (Truthfully, there’s no set period for how long it takes to start a habit; the length depends on the difficulty of the activity and how rewarding it is for your brain.)

At my last job, the work habit had a strong grip on my life. Sometimes, I’d be really good about working out, but I wasn’t consistent for more than a couple months. I also found it nearly impossible to start a writing habit. When I started a new job last January, it felt so much easier to start a writing habit as well. My old “work” routine had been totally shuffled – much like the characters in Is This Thing On? – leading me to be able to try new things. 

Habits are hard to break from. Our brain doesn’t really want to think. It wants to run on auto-pilot for as long as possible. This post isn’t to encourage you to quit your job or get a divorce, but oftentimes, changes in our lives are opportunities to mold the chaos into something productive. I’m moving to a new apartment soon, which might be a good time to reshape some of my routines. 

Happiness Comes from Within

There was another message from the movie that I found to be really important: happiness must come from yourself.

This idea reminds me of a video of Timothée Chalamet that often floats around social media. In the video, Timothée drops an incredible quote:

You can be the master of your fate. You can be the captain of your soul, but you have to realize that life is coming from you and not at you. And that takes time.

The line appears to be from a play Timothée performed as a student, but it’s an interesting idea.

In Is This Thing On?, we find two people ready to end their marriage. Interestingly, the movie shows you how these two clearly still love each other. One scene takes place at their kid’s birthday party. Alex hurries out after a friend insinuates that Tess might be dating again. As Alex leaves the party, Tess rushes to the top of the stairs to try to catch him. These two clearly love each other, but they fell into ruts that left them increasingly unhappy and isolated. Both people expected the other person to save them when they really needed to save themselves. 

Finding a New Spark

Alex finds this new spark in stand-up comedy. It allows him to connect with his feelings in a new way and process the world around him. Tess reconnects with a sport she loves. Sure, the two could’ve encouraged each other to continue growing, but they both were missing a piece of themselves. With these newfound hobbies, the two rediscover the love they have for each other. The relationship isn’t about making each other happy constantly. Rather, it’s about having someone with you as you experience life’s ups and downs. 

Routines are as helpful as much as they are hurtful. I expect that the feeling of being in a “rut” comes from a routine that is so deeply ingrained into our brains that it feels impossible to see another way. But there are alternatives. We can make tiny little changes that eventually lead to new experiences. Or we can take advantage of the big shifts in our lives to try something new.

Our brains enjoy being challenged (somewhat). Stagnation isn’t good. Is This Thing On? reminded me of the importance of trying new things. Our happiness just might depend on it.

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